How Did I Get Here?!

I’m going to be real and so very transparent here.  I was a chubby child.  I have ALWAYS struggled with my weight.  Even at the most active times in my life, I was the thick girl.  I was the chunky ballerina. I was the big girl in the room.  Always.  It’s not like I hated myself.  I came to accept it and I was fine.  I got married and had a baby and boy did that change my body.  Now I was the fat wife.  Hormones changed everything, and not in a good way.  Don’t get me wrong, my hubby is amazing and never once made me feel bad for my size.  For that, I am thankful and it makes me love him even more.

We went to Universal Studios Islands of Adventure (one of our favorite theme parks) for some family time in October of 2017.  Everyone wanted to ride the Harry Potter ride and I just knew I wouldn’t fit in a seat because on top of my big belly, I have some big tatas to accommodate.  I had been secretly avoiding rollercoaster rides for a while because I just knew this would be a problem.  With a cloud of humiliation hanging over my head, I sat down in the test seat they provide for people like me before you enter the line to the ride. To my embarrassment, I didn’t fit.  I DID NOT FIT!!  How did I get here?!  I was crushed.  I waited in line with my family and silently sat in the parent swap while my family took turns on the ride.  After walking the parks all day, I felt like I had been run over by a freight train.  I hobbled out with aching feet and jello knees.  It was then that I knew something had to change.  If I felt this way at 35 years old, what I was going to feel like in 10 years? 20 years?

The ride attendant was so happy for me that she gave us free Express Passes!!

I’ve tried so many diets, often defaulting back to Weight Watchers but knowing deep down that there was no way I was going to stick with it.  It’s not that it was hard, but too time consuming tracking all of those pesky points.  And my family would revolt!  They hated the way that I would cook or try to plan meals.  They didn’t like the restrictions.  So this time, I was going to try something new.  I decided we would try clean eating! How hard could that be…right?  Being a Coca~Cola addict- often drinking more than one can a day- I gave up sodas on some random October day last year.  That had to be a good start!  Sodas certainly weren’t clean!!  Then I started choosing fresh foods and we avoided eating out.  I lost 10 pounds.  We even re-visted the Harry Potter ride and I FIT!!  It was super uncomfortable and I could barely breathe, but I FIT!!  The ride attendant was so excited for me that she gave us free Express Passes!! I left that day floating somewhere above Cloud Nine.  It was working!! 

Until it wasn’t…Holidays happened, vacation happened.  On vacation, we ate pizza with friends.  It was the first “unclean” thing I had eaten in a while.  Surely, a little cheat here and there wouldn’t be that big of a deal.  But it was.  On our mountainous windy way back to our cabin, with half my body hanging out the car window, I tossed my cookies in the street.  The next day, I lived on gingerale and saltine crackers.  Why would eating clean make me feel so bad?  I must’ve been doing it too strictly.  I would just start adding in little cheats here and there so this would never happen again.  No big deal!!  By this time I had lost almost 20 pounds and was quite proud of myself.  I could eat clean most of the time, and cheat occasionally.  I had this totally under control  My once in a while cheat turned into weekly, then daily, then who cares?

By now, it was time for all the Christmas festivities, I wasn’t even going to pretend to diet over Christmas!!  I started the New Year with the goal that I wasn’t going to set a goal for weight loss for the first time in like…ever.  This year I wasn’t going to focus on the scale.  I was just going to focus on feeling better.  I wanted to be active and be able to ride a bike with my family without feeling like I was going to die.  (I’m still working on that one, by the way.)  I started exercising at home.  I was doing AWESOME!! I would walk two or three miles a day!!  And then life happened and it got pushed to the side and I only exercised when I had free time.  Which was like…never.  I was still longing for something…that perfect fit for me, but I just couldn’t seem to find it.  I gained 10 pounds.  Almost back to where I started…Ugh!

One day in March of 2018, I was scrolling through Facebook and one of my friends had posted a picture of something they had made that was Trim Healthy Mama, and it looked delicious!  I had seen them mention this Trim Healthy Mama stuff so many times, but for some reason, I never gave it a second thought or took the time to look it up.  Until that day.  That day, I was curios.  I headed over to Pinterest, because Pinterest knows about all the things.  I found a plethora of blog posts and I started sifting through them.  My curiosity was piqued.

I found posts that had recipes with all kinds of weirdo ingredients.  What are these things?  What is gluccomannan?!  Xanthan-gum?!  Baobab?!  Where in the world do you find these things?!  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I decided to head to the used book store to see if I could find one of their books.  I didn’t want to waste money on something that had weird ingredients but I just had to read more!!  I found the Trim Healthy Mama Plan book.  I read it in a couple of days- cover to cover- and that was it!  I was hooked!  All of the reasons behind the WHY made so much sense even though I didn’t fully understand the plan.  But it was a new goal to learn.  I ordered the Trim Healthy Table Cookbook and shortly after the Trim Healthy Mama Cookbook from Amazon, because now that I had read the Plan book, I felt like spending the money was a great investment and I just had to have the recipes for all of those okra smoothies and muffins in a mug! I joined the Facebook groups and read testimony after testimony that tugged at my heartstrings.  This was it!! I found my perfect balance I had been searching for all those years!!   How could I not give it a shot?

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